Me and Ophelia – Couldn’t pay me enough / The Baby Business
I’m at about the two month mark with watching Ophelia on Tuesdays. I anticipated writing one of these every week but that simply can’t happen.
When The Wife and I decided I’d stay home on Tuesday, the decision for me revolved around this financial calculus. I typically earn Y for a day of work and the wife typically makes X. It was hard to wrap my head around taking a financial shave for me to stay home for a day, but The Wife didn’t want to get sidelined and returning to work was our plan.
As a small business owner there is always lots to do and plan for. I’ve got great people around me but some things I just need to do. I typically used my Tuesday for that and I figured I could catch up on work from home. I’m seeing that is simply not an option. It’s not that we are busy so much as the day is really full. One thing pretty neatly dovetails into the next (eating, playing, napping, repeat) and before I know it most of the day has gone by and I’m useless at the end of the day.
My business has been my baby for a long time. I’ve loved and nurtured it and in return it feeds me. It gives me purpose and a living and a life I love.
Now I’m in the Co-CEO of a family baby business that includes my step son Ri-Guy and I’m working both at work and home for something different. I’ve had to come to terms with giving up something of the life I knew before, and Tuesdays are the manifestation of that.
After two months my calculus has changed somewhat. It doesn’t matter how much I would have made if I was working Tuesdays, I would pay more than that to be home with Ophelia. No dollars are enough to replace the joy I experience being with her. I felt important and needed (and loved and appreciated) at my office and felt agitation at not being there for me business.
Then I experienced what complete dependence is. The counterpoint to Ophelia’s complete need of care is a thrill of providing it and this impossible love that washes over me (and The Wife) over and over throughout the day. I love to be needed. I love to hold this little thing and know that it needs everything from us. I lover her smell and her warm and her smile and so help me God I’m going to give her everything she could possibly need.
I’ve notice how she looks at me after our day together. I’m by no means a stranger on Monday but on Tuesday night she totally lights up when she sees me. So that’s it, that smile makes it all worthwhile.