Here are some of my pro secrets about giving a good massage. These are good for Valentines or anytime.
1. Stay focused, Keep sexy time out of it (for now)
Give yourself to your partner first. Commit to the session for a period of time and stay focused on your loved one. Attention is key: love the hand, or leg or neck you’re working on. This is a time to show love to ALL of your partner, one bit at a time.
2. Move slow
No surprises, be predictable and even telegraph what you are going to do next by using some gentle rocking on the part you plan to work on. Don’t rush or jump from one part to the next. Take your time, move on purpose. It’s up to you to set the pace and tone with your intention. Be thoughtful, patient, present, nurturing, a good listener.
3. Two hands (The two way operator)
When I’ve got my hands on somebody, I like to think of them (my hands) as connecting through the person. My teacher calls this the two way operator. One hand is typically the “mother” hand, it doesn’t have to do much, just be there to complete the circuit. You can use your hands in tandem like one big hand and slide over large parts of the body. For example, start at the low back, move gracefully down the legs and finish at the foot. You’re on the scenic route here, so take your time. Use your body weight to provide pressure and consider using your whole hand(s). It’ll save your thumbs and it’s much easier. Hold a cup of warm tea if your hands are cold.
4. Important places
Here are some key spots to work on. Even if you just work on these you’ll be a love star. Note: After the body part is the position your loved one is in: Face up (lying on back looking at the ceiling) or Face down.
Scalp: Face up: Run your finders over the scalp, using circles or drawing towards you. Pressure here feels good! Make a gentle fist in a lock of hair close to the scalp and pull a little, it feels great. Careful now, haha.
Neck: Face up: The neck is all about your body position. If you can get lower than your lover, it’s easy to get at. Consider the end of the bed or the couch while you are seated on a pillow. The key zone of the neck is right at the base of the skull called the occipital ridge. Cup your hands and create a wall with your fingers all about the same height and support the skull at the ridge. Give a little traction by pulling the head towards you. I’ve built a career being attentive to that spot.
Hands: Face up: Hands feel great, remember each digit, giving a little traction and movement to each finger. Work each joint of the finger including the knuckles. Interlock your fingers with theirs and open the palm up wide. You have permission to use your thumbs on the palm starting from the middle and spreading outward. This feels great!
Shoulders: Face Down: This is where they really love you. Gently knead the shoulders like a ball of dough. As you are warming up the area, some places will stand out as being extra tight. These are candidates for your deep tissue trigger point work. You’ll find one place, apply direct pressure with your fingers and stay there for 15-20 seconds. You’ll both feel it loosen and unwind.
Low back: Face Down: If your spine is an arrow, the sacrum is the tip, a triangle bone at the base of your spine. Fit your hand on the sacrum and push, this will decompress the lower vertebrae For those with low back pain this feels great. There are powerful muscles on either side of the low back. Use your palm and knead liberally. Next, get into those gluets and top of the butt. Use a back and forth rocking motion applying pressure to one hand then the other, and work that whole area.
Feet: Face Down: Time your session to end at the feet. Everybody loves the feet massaged, its a good place to finish. Use plenty of oil or cream here. Put a towel on the bed or couch to prevent oil from getting on any fabric. Address each toe, similar to the hands with some traction and movement. Work the balls of the foot and mobilize the with a rocking circular motion. Use broad strokes on the arches and pay attention to the heels at the back where the Achilles tendon comes in from the legs.
Do what feels good to you. Ask for feedback occasionally to make sure you are on the right track. Use big parts of your hands, and be creative with the parts of the body you are using: forearms, knees, even lay your head on their body. Movement and rocking feel good. You might not know exactly what to do but have confidence. Use solid, direct pressure, as well as the tips above. Most importantly approach the session with love. Notice how beautiful and angelic your partner looks lying there relaxed and peaceful. Give yourself to your session and your partner.
Light a candle? Sure!
A little cool music? Smooth baby, I like it.
Prepared space with a flower? Yep.
Essential oil? Go for it!
This is a sensual experience, use scent, food and textures as an add on. Perhaps have dinner in the oven, creating the aroma of things to come. Or dessert waiting near by. Maybe a new awesome terry towel or bathrobe as a gift.
As mentioned we are not the sexy time experts, so you’ll have to take it from here. Hopefully these extra tips give you some ideas, and if not, gift certificates ALSO say you care 🙂 As in life, you get out of it what you put into it.